Are you empowering your team, or controlling them?

I’ve noticed a really interesting trait in some of my clients. They talk to me about how they are empowering their teams, when what they’re really doing is controlling them. Telling your team what to do, or forcing them onto retreats or leadership days, isn’t empowering, it’s controlling. Control breeds stress and a lack of innovation, rather than inspiring creativity and freedom.

It’s sad because these business leaders are doing their best to be great leaders, but they are just missing the mark.

These leaders might micromanage (I used to do this because I hated losing control!). Leaders who need to have the last word, to demand instant compliance, these aren’t signs of leadership, they’re trauma responses.

I know that’s a confronting idea, especially for those in high-level roles. But control is often born from fear, fear of failure, fear of being seen as weak, fear of chaos. And when that fear goes unaddressed, it becomes a culture.

I’ve walked into boardrooms where people were terrified to speak up. Brilliant ideas never made it out of Slack. Meetings were performances, not discussions. That’s not leadership, that’s emotional re-enactment.

A psychologically safe environment isn’t a luxury, it’s foundational.

And it begins with you.

Are you grounded enough to hear feedback without defensiveness? Are you willing to be wrong? Do your team members feel seen, not just as employees, but as humans?

Therapy has taught us that unsafe people often don’t realise they’re unsafe.

Because in their own upbringing, control might have been the only way to feel secure. But leadership asks you to break that pattern, not pass it on.

Real power doesn’t shout. It listens, it allows space, it trusts.

If your team is silent, hesitant, disengaged, ask yourself: what energy am I leading with?

Because if you’re still trying to manage the chaos inside you, you’ll unconsciously create it outside you.

Do the work. Make your inner world safe, so others can safely bring you their best.

That’s the kind of leadership that transforms culture, not just outcomes.