Becoming a co-founder is like becoming a parent
Becoming a co-founder is like becoming a parent, and just like parenting, family and friends cause conflict in an already precarious situation!
Before you have kids you idealise what a baby will be like ( Michael McIntyre has a whole sketch about this.) A mini you and me. You remember all the movies you have seen where the montage shows all the cute moments during birth, and none of the horrendous bits, honestly I struggle to watch these without getting immensely annoyed.
You watch the film show some hard, tired, middle of the night clips (where all the actors still look amazingly put together – I look bloody awful in the middle of the night) and then hey presto lovely 7 year old cute kids, I guess they are easier for filming right? Photos on the wall of your proudest moments.
Your business feels similar. You both have a really cool idea (mini me and you), then you think of all the business films you’ve seen where the montage shows them brainstorming at 2am and falling asleep on the sofa at 5am – where the actors still look amazingly… hang on I covered that.
Hey presto, you’ve co-founded a cute 7 year old business, team in place, everyone is friends and the co-founders have a complimentary relationship that is supportive yet challenging (no conflict in sight), you get the picture. You may also have photos on the wall of your most proud moments.
This is never the reality, just as it isn’t for parents – sorry if I spoilt the ‘surprise.’
Co-founders rarely talk about how they handle pressure
Co-founders problems will often look at the product, it’s viability, marketing, distribution, personal brands and how quickly they can scale. How often do they sit down and discuss how they behave when they are their worst selves at 3am, everything is going wrong and the investor said no. They don’t, and yet this is exactly what causes co-founder conflict.
I’m like an over active child when I’m overtired, I no longer know what to do with myself, my ADHD goes into hyperdrive, and I can’t switch off, I may even cry. Last year I got so tired after a few late nights, my 22 year old told me to go to bed and took my phone away.
Co-founder conflict is often about more than the business
Co-founding with friends and relatives deserves an entire blog of its own, and I will give it one, but suffice to say, it’s like adding jalapeno chillies to a korma curry. You’re totally unprepared and there’s never enough yogurt to cool things down.
The reality of building a business together
Co-founding is hard, there will be conflict. You will find the montage moments, but they are few and far between.
Co-founder conflict rarely starts with one huge disagreement. More often, it builds from different expectations, communication styles, decisions about the business and the pressure of trying to build something together, just like parenting
The birth is painful, you’ll argue over how to parent the business, and it takes AGES to get to the 7 year old cute stage. The photos on the wall will be blurred because a kid smeared their finger on the lens as you took it.
Over the next few weeks I’m going to be sharing more about how to manage being a co-founder, why friends and family complicate it, and I’ll be discussing the common conflict issues that come up and bring people to mediation.
Until then… be kind, recognise you aren’t always right and let the grandparents have a say, we sometimes know best.