Struggling with perfectionism? why letting go improves performance and confidence
As some of you know I took up pottery about two years ago. I thought I’d sit at a pottery wheel and easily make a pot. I didn’t. I also thought that I’d easily be able to make beautiful sculptures. I couldn’t. What happened between the wonderful image in my head and what came out of my hands I have no idea!
Why perfectionism stops progress
What I did learn very quickly and painfully was that I had a choice. I could give up, which I very nearly did as in all honesty I’m not great at dealing with things I think I am going to do well, not going well! Or I could accept that what I made would look like a 5 year old made it. In fact theirs would likely look better. I decided that I just liked messing around with clay. I liked the feel of it and that it took my mind off my many troubles at that time. I decided to accept that it was the process not the end result that was why I was going. Putting my pride and perfectionism away, I carried on.
How focusing on process improves performance
Slowly over time I’ve got marginally better. I can now throw a pot or bowl – but never something I set out to make - that looks lovely. I rarely hand build anything because that truly is my weak spot. However, I wanted to make my grandson a night light for his birthday. He has fallen hopelessly in love with a bear he calls, ‘padpad’, or Paddington bear as you’ll know him. So I thought, I’ll attempt to hand build a padpad. Brave I thought.
The photo above is the unfinished article. I’m actually very pleased with it as it was really pushing myself out of my creative comfort zone. Okay, so padpad looks like he’s been working out and is ‘hench’ as my son said. Apparently, he also looks a little rat like, according to my daughter. Not only will padpad hopefully light my grandson’s bedroom, but should any burglars appear, have no fear because an enormously heavy padpad will stop them in their tracks, according to another child of mine!
How behaviour in one area affects everything else
The point I want to make is that I’ve learned many lessons in getting to this place. I’m much less of a perfectionist in all areas of my life now. You know that saying, ‘the way we do something is the way we do everything’, that’s true. This is where patterns matter. The way you approach small things often mirrors how you approach decisions, leadership and risk. When that pattern shifts, everything else starts to shift with it. You learn a skill in one area and it transfers over to another area. I’m much more likely to have a go at something and not worry about the outcome, I used to do this but now I’m at another level.
In all I’ve learned to accept that for me the process is just as important as the outcome. I’ve now tried and have plans to try things that I simply might not be able to achieve. I don’t care anymore. I can at least say I gave it a go and love whatever the result is.
Why high achievers struggle with perfectionism
Too often these days we set huge goals, try to cram in so many things that we forget that the really impressive thing here, we forget to look where we have come from and to measure that distance instead.
So maybe my grandson will run from the room screaming when he sees his favourite CGI friend represented as a gym rat that masquerades as a sweet bear, and if so padpad will quickly become a garden ornament hidden in a corner, but maybe he will love him because he will understand how much love, patience, trial and error and pride his grandmother had to go through to make it.
What’s the thing that you could challenge yourself to let go of being perfect and just enjoy the process?
If perfectionism is holding you back or slowing your decisions, it’s something that can change quickly with the right work. Get in touch for a conversation about how executive coaching and executive therapy can help you improve performance without the pressure of getting everything right.