We often feel that visibly strong leadership looks like the person who is in control of the room and who is the confident voice. A lot of leaders still cling to that model because it feels good, we all love feeling in control, it looks efficient and it feels like the fastest route to a decision. What recent neuroscience has proven is much more fascinating. Dominance is one of the most emotionally expensive habits you can have. 

Did you know research shows that most people would rather know for sure they’re going to receive an electric shock than sit and worry about whether they might? 

 Uncertainty is woven into everyday life, and for leaders, that uncertainty is amplified. Will those investors commit? Will that major client sign? Will the big project deliver what you’re banking on? Will your latest hire be the game changer you need? 

Almost every leader I have ever worked with has an employee that they keep when they should either move their role or just let them go. They justify it by saying they don’t want to hurt them or that they are being loyal. There is a point, however, when you must remember you are running a business and that confronting the employee, kindly, is the best thing.

A client said something to me the other day that made me smile. We’d had a very honest conversation where I had to be blunt and tell her that an action she had taken really wasn’t the right one. It’s rare I’ll do this because mostly I leave clients to do what they think is right, but this was an area I have particular expertise in, and I didn’t want her to continue down the wrong path.

I laugh a little when I hear business leaders who still think that their emotional state isn’t tied to their business growth. After working with me, they laugh too! Most leaders avoid this truth bomb. Your business, your vision, your impact – can only grow to the level you’re emotionally available for. It’s a hard realism, and one that held me back too – that’s why I can laugh at it now. 

Let’s be honest. One of the biggest problems I see in leadership today isn’t whether you are great at strategy, brilliant at hiring good talent, or struggling to grow. The biggest issue is energy—or rather, the lack of it.

There’s a particular type of leadership energy that’s quietly disappearing. It’s quiet, understated, and it commanded respect automatically. It was kind, and it didn’t need to shout to be heard. It’s being replaced with loud, aggressive, authoritarian ‘leadership’. 

There’s a loneliness in leadership that creeps in quietly. It shows up even when you’re surrounded by people, leading meetings, signing deals, or being praised in the press. It has nothing to do with being alone physically. It’s about not feeling seen for who you are beneath the role, the title, the influence. It’s a lack of connection and we need to connect as humans. We are literally wired for it.  

Success without happiness is a game you cannot win since the goalposts keep moving. You hit one milestone, immediately chase the next, and barely pause long enough to celebrate before the pressure to perform starts again. In the middle of all that striving, you forget to ask whether any of it actually feels good. It is possible to be the most productive, efficient, high-achieving person in the room yet still wake up one day wondering why the life you worked so hard for does not feel like yours.

One of the most common issues my client have is that they feel that underneath they have a continuous hum of self-doubt? It frustrates them immensely and it is the things that when we get rid of it, that changes their lives the most. If you have wealth, influence, a public profile, you’ve got it all right? Well, no, life is still really hard sometimes.

Let’s be honest: a lot of people look successful on paper yet feel empty inside. They have the business, the title, the team, the house. They have the metrics, the growth charts, the goals ticked off. Yet beneath it all, there is a restlessness, a low-level hum of dissatisfaction they cannot quite name.

I used to have nightmares almost every night until my late 30's. I had them so much that I just got used to them. I could remember them in great detail too – much to the annoyance of those I insisted on telling. Now I rarely get nightmares and the worst is intense dreams when I’m hormonal.